 KatsuCurryDon Kapo CYH Born a Pisces on 7th March. Loves Pocky, 소녀시대 and Mousehunt. Mousehunter of the Day Wordpress Links
Design: Yong Hong Server: Blogger Image Host: PhotoBucket Image: Yong Hong Tools: Photoshop CS4 Extended |
[KatsuCurryDon Says ?]
[Spiced Up The Bowl on Friday, October 31, 2008 @ 3:10 AM]
The things I wanted to do before and everything that I had thought of before. It all seemed pointless to me anymore. All the dreams and hopes. Everything I wanted it to be wasn't that way. I have no motivation at all anymore. No strength to carry on. No passion. No answers. What Im seeking seemed to be so easy yet impossible to reach. Why is it so? The questions running through my head. They just don't have any answers to them. Im not sad or anything. Im not emotional. I just dunno what to do in life anymore. I saw how my lovely cousin passed away. She was a highly educated person with good salary and bright future. Yet cancer took her life away selfishly. Its a pity. Yes it was. Whatever took her away took her away young. When I heard my grandfather had passed away, I thought that a old man, 93 of age would die with no regrets. Living up till so old. What more can we ask for. But that moment when they closed the coffin cover, I felt different. It wasn't sadness, neither was it happiness. I felt pity for him. He was dressed in a very smart tuxedo. It was the very first time I saw how smart my grandfather was and the very last time too. Ironically, I can't remember much about him. All I could remember was him calling my name for the very last time. The day before he moved on to paradise. I saw his coffin and him being pushed in to cremate. That very moment was silence in the viewing hall. The pretty stones on the wall and the sci-fi like lines on the floor. Everything was pretty, and I wondered, when is the time I'll be there. There are many things in life we would like to try. Education, Wealth, Health, Love. I had my fair share of education. To the extent I felt useless in the catergory. I had failed in my education as a Singaporean. To a certain degree that I would be termed "those who never study hard" for parents to say to thier child. Im not rich like my cousins. Born with silver spoon. Whole family using iphones. Driving 3 Benz and living in a semi-d. Im just a normal person with parents who barely could support my education and my life. Altough I've tasted what its like to be poor, I have no wishes to be rich. To be rich with money and assets mean nothing to me. Health, Im young yet barely making the mark. Im not fit. I played basketball for half an hour and I needed badly to sit down and rest. To a certain extent, Im termed as weak. Yes, weak physically but not mentally. Love, Something I hungered for the pass 4 years of my life. 4 lonely years. I could blame no one. The person is not here yet. Im only 19. Yet I can't find any motivation in life. My dreams and ambitions are impossible to reach. I used to be able to see how or what Im going to be. Not anymore now. Is this what you call simple? |
